Pay Dirt Road by Samantha Jayne Allen

Author:Samantha Jayne Allen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin's Publishing Group

* * *

Later, he went out the back door to vomit in the dirt.

“Let’s go home,” I said. “Do you need to go to the hospital?”

He laughed, widened his eyes, and shook his head as though I’d suggested we fly to the moon. A zip of irritation shot up my spine. It was his lack of control, the way you could be having a good time and then he would take it too far. Nikki could be that way too, but she and I could at least call bullshit on the other. I couldn’t tell Leroy no. Anyway, he’d drink more at home, only alone. And if honest, I was too buzzed to drive.

“Relax, darlin’. If you don’t relax you will miss things,” he said.

I looked at the sliver of neon light under the door. Wondered if he knew how he’d struck a chord, such a long-held anxiety of mine. Relax, lighten up—I’d always felt a little on the outside of things as they were happening. Watching instead of experiencing. That night, though having fun, I had had this feeling. Mourning a moment that hasn’t yet passed. A soft-sided sadness I now understand as love. Constant fear of losing the ones you love. Leroy stood and wiped his mouth with his shirtsleeve and I walked him back across the barroom.

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